1. |
warned you
03:50
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Our love came in like a
Skipping rock
It hit me hard and I threw it off
Our love came in like a hallow wind
It threw me down and I
Ran right in
and if you want me to be honest
i could say that you floored me
and if you want me to lie
i can say that you warned me
those summer nights
ease the pain
of hands so tight and cold
those summer days
ease the moment
where you leave my side
But I warned you
I warned you
I warned you
I see your art on walls I lay
Your visions dawn on me
From miles away
Your sticky fingers and
Breath so light
Sleeping next to you
Is the home I like
And if you want me to be honest
I can say I miss you all the time
And if you want me to lie
I can say I got others on my mind
those summer nights
Hold my breath
We’re Frozen in July
Our summer days
Still the city
They hold me by
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2. |
when the light
03:02
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I lost a lot over the years
i lost even my name
i lost a lot over the year
i even lost your face
i sometimes sing the song of you
i sometimes dream your name
i sometimes think you’re standing there
hand under my vein
i could sing you every night and day
but then nowhere i’d be
i’d even sing my name away
and miss your calls to me
oh when the light
oh when the light
I lost a lot over our time
I lost the way you smell
I tried to keep it in my drawers
But through the cracks you fell
Your things are laid across my room
I can’t escape the air
I tried to take it down one time
But looked into your stare
Photo from 4th grade of yours
You look over my bed
I find me smiling back at you
I miss the way you said
Oh when the light
maybe i thought this wouldn’t hurt cuz
it’s my fifth time
maybe i saw you on that bench
one year ago fine
But it’s you
You keep the night at bay
Even when you’re far away
and it’s you
i sing to ditmas park
even when im dreaming in the dark
And it’s you, and it’s you
Oh when the light
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3. |
still can't leave
03:39
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Well I stayed
Far too long and far too late
Well I stayed
Far too late and far too deep
I was far too weak
And that first night
Pitch black outside I held the light
to your face just to decide
What was right
Well I still can’t leave
Even after I left
And I still believe
That I was made for you, and you for me
That you’re the only one with who I sleep
That you’re the only light that is guiding me
Well I feel equally
The need to see you,
The need to be away from you
Well I feel equally
The way I love you
How I cant be around you anymore
Well I feel equally, I feel it all
I feel it all over me
Well I still can’t leave
Even after I left
And I still believe
That I was made for you, and you for me
That you’re the only one with who I sleep
That you’re the only light that is guiding me
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4. |
forgive yourself
03:05
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every heartbreak ends in love anyway
and every wrong ends in a right
in good time and place
and every song that you once wrote
you still can sing
a younger you waits for permission to weigh in
and he says oh oh oh oh
forgive yourself, fall in love
it’s all regret
or so it seems from where i stand
at 25, i’m still a boy and not a man
i’m working on it, and i’m trying to be my best
i swear i’m working but i can’t forgive myself
and you say oh oh oh oh
forgive yourself, fall in love
and you say oh oh oh oh
forgive yourself, fall in love
hurting you can only hurt someone else
take the lesson from your younger self
he tried to love but never loved himself
and did it work?
did all that hate help?
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5. |
would you have stayed
03:05
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oh when i met you years ago
i knew what i wondered
and i tried to hold it in one hand
and hold you with the other
but i couldn’t change this
i know what i wanted
i know how you saw me
i know why we parted
no i couldn’t change this
even if i wanted
there’s this part of me hidden in you
from the day that this started
and still i think
if you hadn’t left
if we hadn’t split
if you hadn’t flown all that way
and still i think
it was years ago
and you just learned my name
would you have stayed
would you have stayed
if i threw all my cards away
if i had told you months ago
if we weren’t sitting here much too late
i guess it was me
this is a fantasy
that i follow through dreams but in day
it’s far away
would you have stayed
stayed away
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6. |
like water
02:39
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I’ve been left out and lost
By myself, no one hurt me more than me
And I cry sitting with my own consequences
I cry like water
Just like water
I have burned my own skin
Flying high, far too close to the sun
And just like ice of the boy I used to be
It melts like water
melts like water
I’ve got regrets, I’ve got the sum
Of my years, living as my own god
But here I am, even making the space
To melt like water
I melt like water
Handing it over day by day
Since I’m the reason I ended up this way
And when I do, it all seems clear to me
That I’m just water
Only water
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7. |
top of those stairs
03:31
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i met you in philadelphia
in 90 degrees
and sitting there by the pool
i knew that you had me
you sang to me at the top of that house
at the top of those stairs
the door was wide open
the dust was floating
and your voice held what had to be there
oooh ooh
your feet were submerged and so was i
and there i was sitting, avoiding your eyes
i sang to you at the top of your house
at the top of your stairs
it was loud in that room that we shared
but i knew I couldn’t hear
ooh ooh
missing you like the ocean
at the end of july
and missing is like a drain
and i’m underwater this time
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8. |
it didn't start with you
03:17
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after flooding comes the drain
after rain comes the after math
when it all falls apart
then you can breathe
not trying to be anything
and knowing now
what you knew then
it didn’t start with you
these days look different than they did
my family’s gone somewhere and i don’t know where they hid
my dads been praying these days
a man, an atheist
is learning new ways
to be himself
to love his god
it didn’t start with him
there is a haunting of the present
and watching those you love writhe in pain
but there’s a beauty in honesty
and looking backwards it was all i needed
to be myself
to love myself
it didn’t start with me
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9. |
not enough
04:33
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I didn’t know it’d be the last time
If I’d know I would have laid there with you longer
I would have buried myself into your skin
I would have drawn out the words between us
And I wonder what you think about me now
Cuz three years ago we loved
In your kitchen, at the table
Your hands behind your back
Something burning in the oven
That was always the smell you had
And minutes before you were laying there on top of me
I thought you’d never let me go
And minutes before I was laying there on top of you
I thought I’d never let you go
Well I learned so much the day you left my life
And I could never go back
To hold someone who never held you too
I run circles through the lack
cuz at this point your warmth has gone cold
and i can’t know what you know
And a mile away is still a distance
And at this point
Im done holding on to the leftover of who
I knew so long ago
Cuz what I knew was that
I love you is not enough
It’s not enough to hold together
And I love you is not enough
It’s not enough together
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10. |
figuring through
03:50
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what do you do when you cause your suffering
your past knocks on the door and it walks right in
he’s got his hands above your mouth, won’t let you talk
swallows you whole spits you out, and you wake up
well i lost myself in the growing pains
and i lost my way in blame/shame
cuz it’s been a long time since blue
and i am still figuring through
what do you do when past is now
And all of those dark places you know come around
what do you do when she still holds you
her hands around your neck and you’re turning blue
well i lost myself in the growing pains
And i’m still 16 in so many ways
And still singing to blue
Cuz i'm still figuring through
well sometimes the light peaks through my window
and i see the sun just like i did so many moons ago
right above but still separate from me
And I know one day it’ll take this body
and one day it’ll take my body
well i found myself in the growing pains
and i’m still a child in the truest ways
cuz i’m still singing to blue
and im still figuring through
And I know one day this will take my body
and i know one day it’ll take my worries
and i know one day this will take my ego
one day it’ll take my soul
i found my way through my growing pains
it’s who i am and who i’ll remain
though it’s been a long time since blue
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Sam Davis New York, New York
trans masc singer/songwriter. 25. western MA/NYC.
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